Our relationships have an enormous influence on our wellbeing.
They can bring us comfort, joy and a sense of belonging. But they can also be one of the greatest sources of stress, loneliness and emotional pain.
The truth is, most of us were never taught how to navigate relationships well. We learned by watching the adults around us, through our own experiences, and often through trial and error.
That’s why I was so grateful to sit down with relationship counsellor Nicole Mathieson for Episode 30 of Mind Your Being.
One idea from our conversation has stayed with me.
Conflict isn’t necessarily the problem. It’s how we repair afterwards that matters.
Many of us assume that healthy relationships rarely experience conflict. But Nicole shared something reassuring: disagreements are a normal part of being human. In fact, relationship researchers Drs John and Julie Gottman have found that many couples continue having the same disagreements throughout their relationship. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict altogether, but to learn healthier ways of moving through it.
Nicole also shared a perspective that really made me stop and think.
As relationship therapist Esther Perel often says, we’re usually not arguing about the bin, the dishes or the forgotten milk.
Underneath those everyday disagreements are often much deeper needs.
We want to feel heard.
We want to feel respected.
We want to know we matter.
Perhaps one of the most practical takeaways from our conversation was the importance of becoming curious before becoming defensive.
When someone is hurt by something we’ve said or done, our instinct is often to explain ourselves or defend our intentions.
But what if we paused first and asked,
“What was going on for you?”
That simple shift can open the door to understanding instead of misunderstanding.
Nicole also spoke about something she believes many couples miss: acknowledgement.
Acknowledgement doesn’t mean agreeing with someone.
It doesn’t mean admitting you’re wrong.
It simply means recognising that the other person’s experience is real to them.
Feeling heard can often soften a difficult conversation far more effectively than trying to prove a point.
What I also appreciated throughout our discussion was the reminder that relationships don’t have to be perfect to be healthy.
There will be misunderstandings.
There will be moments where we get it wrong.
There will be times when we disappoint each other.
The important question becomes: Can we come back together? Can we repair?
That message extends far beyond romantic relationships.
Whether it’s with a partner, a family member, a friend or a colleague, curiosity, compassion and a willingness to repair can strengthen the relationships that matter most.
If this is an area you’ve been thinking about lately, I hope this conversation leaves you feeling encouraged.
None of us gets relationships right all the time.
But with greater self-awareness, better communication and a willingness to understand each other, we can continue growing together.
🎧 Episode 30 – Relationships, Resentment & Repair: Navigating Conflict & Connection with Nicole Mathieson is available now at mindyourbeing.com.au, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts.